Kitchens, Hearts and Mind.

Disregarding the tendency of political pundits to treat the President as sports pundits treat the QB—way too much credit, way too much blame—and overlooking the finding of fault with a President that just killed the bad guy (hey, the touchdown pass was a wounded duck…it was tipped…the running game set it up…the roughing the passer penalty kept the drive alive), this Andrew Malcolm post has a weird period that train wrecked my reading comprehension:

There may have been a little anxiety aboard those combat choppers. Who knows? We can’t hear from them. And, as every day, anxiety in the kitchens, hearts and mind of thousands of military families who put up with the terrifying uncertainty of the dangerous deeds their loved ones have volunteered to secretly do for their country.

I’m trying to walk it through: There may have been a little anxiety here. And anxiety there. It seems like it should work.

And, as every day, anxiety in the kitchens, hearts and mind of thousands of military families who put up with the terrifying uncertainty of the dangerous deeds their loved ones have volunteered to secretly do for their country.

I lack the expertise to comment definitively on the parts of speech but goddamnit I don’t like that last sentence. Not one bit.

What’s odd is the period before ‘and’ and the parenthetical ‘as every day’ makes the mind wait for the coordinated clause that will surely follow. A few examples of this type of sentence:

And as every day brought fresh phases of her character, her husband felt more and more that he had indeed won a pearl of great price.

——-

And as every day I knew more about medicines I was soon able to mix them so as to be of service to those who applied, and before eighteen months had expired I was trusted in mixing up all the prescriptions.
——-

Love should lead to the expression of gratitude, pardon call forth thanksgiving,and, as every day is a day of mercy, so every day should be a day of prayer.

Each of the three could be rewritten with ‘and’  between the two clauses as a coordinating conjunction. The last one, for example, could be rewritten: “Every day is a day of mercy / And / Every day should be a day of prayer”

In Andrew Malcolm’s jacked-up version the ‘and’ doesn’t coordinate anything in the second clause at all which means the period should probably vanish. That would kill the parenthetical sarcastic rhetorical “Who knows? We can’t hear from them.”

There may have been a little anxiety aboard those combat choppers and, as every day, anxiety in the kitchens, hearts and mind of thousands of military families who put up with the terrifying uncertainty of the dangerous deeds their loved ones have volunteered to secretly do for their country.

Even then it ain’t pretty. The conjunction should probably be killed, two clauses left to stand on their own.

There may have been a little anxiety aboard those combat choppers. Who knows? We can’t hear from them. Certainly there was anxiety in the kitchens, hearts and mind of thousands of military families who put up with the terrifying uncertainty of the dangerous deeds their loved ones have volunteered to secretly do for their country.

That’s still ugly. I don’t think the cause is helped with the typo non-plural ‘mind’ in ‘kitchens, hearts and mind’, even worse is the weird series ‘kitchens, hearts and minds’ itself. What could fix it? Who knows? I guess mistakes like these are hazards of penning sarcastic (hence use of ‘may’, “Maybe they were anxious on the choppers. Who knows?”) pieces of pick on the President for the sake of it crap.

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