Your Talking Eyes

As far as stat bashing articles go this Patrick Reusse Star-Trib piece is uninspired, mailed-in (not email because anything made after 1968 can’t be trusted), junk. No lashing out at geeks or making jokes that there are too many letters in most of the sabermetric acronyms. None of that. That doesn’t mean it’s not still crap.

All the new-age stats in the world can’t tell as much about a player as the eyes of a baseball lifer.

You want to know how I feel about the kid?!! Look into my eyes!! Goddammit you ain’t looking hard enough!!!

If the only tool you need is a good pair of eyes then why don’t scouts just leave the stopwatches and radar guns at home, stop charting pitch location and, hell, stop giving the triple A guys names. A good scout can see a pickoff move, arm strength, junk, and control so why bother jotting it down? This is basically what Patrick is saying.

“What most people don’t understand is that statistical analysis has been used in baseball since I started in the game,” Fregosi said. “I knew what my on-base percentage was in the low minors in 1959.”

By most people you mean old school baseball people who think wins and batting average and era and RBI aren’t actually stats but information acquired by using the Retina Scanner4000 on the eyeballs of baseball lifers. Lifers are required by unwritten baseball laws to donate their eyes upon retirement; sometimes the best scouts donate early to generate stats while they continue to scout just by listening to the sound of batting practice.

Total conicidence by-the-way, Jim Fregosi’s VORP in his all-star years, 58.2, 35.1, 38.1, 28.5, 40.0, 53.2. All other season average less than 10. What a dumb inaccurate stat. We didn’t need it name Fregosi to the All-Star team then and we shouldn’t need now.

Back in 2009, Fregosi was in the Metrodome on a scouting mission. It was midsummer of Delmon Young’s second season with the Twins. The outfielder was such a disappointment that he was in the lineup only part time…

And it took real baseball men — not dweebs married to OPS and other phony numbers — to read the bat speed and understand Young was worth the wait.

What is a phony number? Like a bajillion (or B1J00)? Because, at least as I understand what numbers are, OPS is not phony. Nope, I just checked, OPS is a real number. A very simple one at that. And married to? Seriously? And if you’re dropping a cliche insult may as well follow it through to completion and not say that dweebs are polygamist with multiple phony number wives (actual fact: dweebs are all dudes).

It’s not the ‘phony number’ thing that has me scratching my head, though, it’s this: Why the fuck does Patrick think Delmon Young worth the wait?

Because he had 112 RBIs in 2010? Because you can’t find anyone anywhere capable of 21 dingers?

Delmon Young was 16th in runners on base with 456. He led the league with runners on third base. Yes, he hit well in those situations, but, and this important, even an average hitter would’ve racked up a lot of RBIs with that may ducks on the pond. Which, is why when I asked my foruth wife WARP she says that Delmon had an average WARP of 2.2.

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