Dan’s BCS-blasting work is top-notch. Straight-up investigative excellence. I think one of the BCS ones he wrote maybe this year was maybe the best article period I’ve read maybe this year. That damn good.
But crap like this is just plain crap, no matter who pens it: Tiger’s new romance may boost his game.
It’s bad to the point of needing FJM-ing. So here it goes…
Tiger’s new romance may boost his game
The news that Tiger Woods is “dating” a 22-year-old blonde whom friends describe as a “wild child” (to Radar Online) is, most certainly, legitimate sporting news. It is also, quite possibly, very good news for Tiger’s still sizable fan base.
Throwing down a bold theory with alacrity. Wham, fish on the hook. Let’s see how Dan brings the fish to the point proved boat.
Save your protests that the guy’s off-course life should remain his own business. In theory, that’s true. In reality, he hasn’t been much of a golfer since the world (most notably, his wife) found out that he was dating half the cocktail waitresses in Las Vegas.
It’s been 16 months and counting since Tiger Woods drove his Cadillac SUV into a fire hydrant and Elin Woods smashed in its windows with a golf club. Since then, there’ve been two stops in rehab, one divorce and zero victories on the golf course.
Tiger’s private life affected his professional life like few other athletes we’ve ever seen. There’s no way any development isn’t news.
Most of these guys just shrug it all off. San Antonio Spurs star guard Tony Parker had a tabloid affair that caused the breakup of his marriage with Eva Longoria, and not for a night did his game suffer. Kobe Bryant used to attend hearings for a sexual-assault trial in rural Colorado, then jet to Los Angeles that night and play for the Lakers like nothing was wrong. Even Michael Vick merely had to work off the prison rust – not the mental humiliation of running an interstate dog fighting ring – to return to form.
Absolutely. No matter what sport those fellows may’ve played, even one requiring an unimaginable amount of prolonged solitary concentration like golf, they would’ve shrugged their divorce/rape/prison right off. And boy how they did shrug. As Michael Vick says while laughing in every interview on the subject, “Doing time? Pam, you know, I shrugged that shit right the fuck off.” Wait a sec, how do you know so much about those dudes’ private lives anyway? I thought you said private was in theory private unless public performance suffers? Vexing.
Mostly, he can’t find a victory. The once longtime No. 1 golfer in the world is just another guy right now.
I just learned three new things: Victories can be found and Tiger is just another guy and Dan is now covering just another guys for Yahoo Sports.
The Masters Tournament is two weeks away. Once seemingly inevitable, Tiger’s pursuit of Jack Nicklaus’ record 18 major championships (Woods has 14) is now hurtling toward unlikely. (He could really, really use a major this year).
The revelation in 2009 of whom Tiger had been dating was the single biggest development in golf since, well, Tiger Woods won the 1997 Masters by 12 strokes at age 21. So now that he’s apparently back on the social scene, if you will, it’s 100 percent worth noting.
Can’t argue with that. When I read this Tiger-dating-development I walked right over to my Top Golf Moments Between 1997 Master’s and Now leaderboard and bumped Payne Stewart’s crash down one notch.
No one knows where this budding relationship is headed. We can only wish them the best. Of course, it has all the trappings of a train wreck in progress – she’s rich, she’s young, she parties, she isn’t into long-term relationships, all according to other anonymous “friends.”
Train wreck in progress: Metaphail? A Google Book search finds 57 instances of the phrase and several of them refer to watching an actual train wreck. Compare that to 402 instances of the metaphor I think Dan’s reaching for, “train wreck waiting to happen“. I could be in the wrong here but I just can’t seem to walk this analogy through to logic land. A train is on the rails or off the rails. Pretty sudden thing. You wait for one to happen because you see some treacherous thing ahead, or conditions that will one day take the train off the rails. Watching one happen on the other hand may be wielded as a metaphor but only when you are viewing some violent carnage, like the first half of that Redskins Eagles MNF game, that was a legit ever progressing wreck.
So yes, the natural reaction is to not care that Tiger Woods is apparently hanging around a “wild child” 13 years his junior. After all, it looks like a dead-end relationship. It’s probably filed with ridiculous drama. It’s most likely superficial.
Looks like. It’s probably. It’s most likely. Keep slanging those fact based opinions Dan, your thesis is just about proved. This fish is almost to the boat and…
In other words, it’s everything we know of his affairs with Jamie Junger, Jaimee Grubbs, the Perkins waitress and so on. Those weren’t so good for his marriage, his endorsement business or – once they were revealed – his state of mind. In the moment though, they sure helped, or at least didn’t hurt, his golf game.
…whoops, fish off. Does anyone remember how this whole thing started? I do. Dan’s bold claim was prefaced in such away that allowed him to write a speculative gossip article while on the moral high ground, “Save your protests that the guy’s off-course life should remain his own business. In theory, that’s true.“. So let me ask you this: Does first and last name dropping Tiger’s mistresses, the ones Dan is arguing were responsible for Tiger’s best golf, sound like the same guy who started this article by claiming private life was in theory private to you? Dan, at least according to his premise, shouldn’t have given two shits about those gals.
But, of course, Dan did give two shits then, as he does now. This article is yet another case of guy with a platform having a decently interesting and provocative thought (Hmm..I wonder if this will help Tiger’s game?) and haphazardly tossing the narrow thought peg through the gaping factless hole.
That was a Twitter thought; it sure as hell wasn’t article.