>This week, Sporting Naz will be bringing you best in Superbowl commentary and crystal balling. We’ll start with a look at some of the Bears wildcard factors this coming Sunday.
My sources within the Bears organization tell me that they are deeply concerned about Rex Grossman, and with good reason. Rex is one of the pastiest players in the league (though he is among the least ashy) and a week gallivanting about in the South Beach sun could leave him in poor condition for Sunday’s game. When asked to comment Rex replied, “I played freaking football in Florida, I know how to handle the sun. Once I get that initial burn out of the way I darken up really well.” After looking at this old photo of Rex in a Gator program I can’t help but agree. Regardless, the Bears organization has hired one of the few remaining Honey Bears not dead from Jim McMahon venereal diseases to shadow Grossman and apply his prescription SPF 80.
#2 Brian Griese
The former Miami quarterback may be the single biggest impediment between the Bears and their second Superbowl trophy. Griese will no doubt be stuck in his father’s shadow this week, hearing constantly from those in Miami longing for a return to their undefeated ways and the glory of Bob Griese going a Orton-esque 6 for 7 in route to a win in Supberbowl VIII. The infamously lush younger Griese, once an undefeated national champion at Michigan, may have a few too many and decide he’s had enough of being the best backup in the NFL. He could force the issue by stealing a play from (Oregon-born) Tonya Harding. A prediction; the image of Griese tearful holding his broken cleat before the back judge seconds before being sacked by Dwight Freeney will be indelibly seared into the mind of every Bears fan for all of Bearturniy.
#3 Tank, meet Sean
Tank Johnson, on reprieve from his probation sentence may meet-up with known gun-touting Redskin and Miami native, Sean Taylor. Fireworks may follow, can the Bears overcome the distraction?
The Bear’s defensive coordinator is 0 for 6 in this year’s head coaching carousel. After getting the snub following his recent interview in Big-D, Rivera may try to prove the haters wrong…by blitzing every player on every play of the entire game. The quick thinking Manning may have a field day with this raging coach’s scheme.
#5 The Shaqtor
Jon, Sporting Naz contributor yet to contribute, is a personal friend of Shaq, who could use his stature to distract the Colts before game time. Will Jon dial in a favor with his brother from another mother?